Tuesday, April 12, 2005

RNC Endorses Affirmative Action!

In a stunning about-face, the republican National Committee has officially endorsed the concept of Affirmative Action. 

Ken Mehlman did not really say thisAccording to Party chair Ken Mehlman, "We decided that, in the spirit of the republican Party's Big Tent® philosophy, that Affirmative Action is duly meritorious and should be a plank in the republican Party's platform." 

Alarmed by the findings that most Universities have mostly Democratic faculty members, and that many prominent Universities are major donors to the Democratic Party, the republican Party has decided that Universities should embark on an aggressive campaign to recruit and retain republican supporters to top faculty positions. 

Mehlman explained that the Party initially pinned it's hopes on charter schools and tougher academic testing to raise the performance of republican offspring, thereby rectifying the liberal bias in academia.  However, the prominent republican, Jeb Bush, has conceded that this is not working in Florida.  Arnold Schwartznegger has terminated California's contract with 60 charter schools.  Even in Texas, the adopted home state of the "Education President,"  the only way to get report positive results from No Child Left Behind was to leave the truth behind while writing the reports. 

Even Dick Cheney has chimed in: "This is a matter of National Security."  He states that the problem is so severe, that it would be appropriate for Universities to lower their standards in order to let a few more republicans get tenure.  He says that it would be a big sacrifice, but a necessary one: "I know it's tough to work with someone who can't pronounce "nuclear" properly, but you kinda get used to it, after a few years."

CC acknowledges David M for finding some of the links.