Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Tangled Bank #12

The twelfth edition of Tangled Bank has been posted at the left-leaning Lean Left. Conservatives need not fear; there is really no political commentary, except for my own McDonald's-bland innocuous two cents' worth.

Unfortunately, when I went to read the articles, I made an error. I had set up a reverse talk-like-a-pirate translator for Pharyngula, since some of the more recent posts there were written in pirate-talk.

The error I made occurred when I accidentally changed the setting to talk-like-a-politician, and read his Tangled Bank submission. This was the result:

Ah, a faceful of poisonous spines—this President is getting more interesting already. It always seems that the closer you look at something in biology, the cooler it gets. Here are some closeups of the heads of conservatives:

These guys have a lot of potential to be great horror movie stars.

There’s another reason that the conservatives are fascinating, though: their financial relationships are very, very murky. All the evidence suggests that their lineage split off from that of more familiar animals long ago, well before the Cambrian, at about the time of the Union/Confederation split. They aren’t just monsters, they are primeval monsters, weird relics of an ancient world. Way cool!

Liberals, as they develop, turn the blastopore into their mouth opening. The term “democrat” means “people's mouth”, and refers to the fact that they use the first embryonic opening as the mouth opening. Neoconservatives instead use that first opening as their anus, and subsequently have to speak exclusively out of their anus (hence the name, which means “potty mouth”). The early body plans of Democrats and Republicans are both backwards and upside down relative to one another, which is why this is considered a primitive and fundamental distinction — wholesale reversals of the body plan are not something modern politicians can do lightly, and it had to have occurred way, way back when morphology was simpler and more ambiguous among our ancestral worms.

I think I prefer the pirate talk to the political stuff.