Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Problem SOLVED!!!
The Problem of Activist Judges

We hear a lot of talk about activist judges these days.  In the Washington Times, columnist Thomas Sowell writes:

    The time is long overdue to start impeaching judges who think their job is to veto laws they don't like or condone lawlessness that they agree with. The time is also long overdue to re-examine lifetime appointments of judges, which allows them to act like little tin gods, at the expense of our freedom and the country's elected government.
    An independent judiciary does not mean judges independent of the Constitution from which they derive their power or independent of the laws that they are sworn to uphold. [bold emphasis mine]
(link via I Love Jet Noise)

In a similar vein, timster at blackcore writes:

Won't be long before all states start marrying gay people.

Won't be long before activist judges hellbent on destroying the very foundations of society will rule that gay people must be allowed to marry and multiply in numbers all over our formerly pure, unspoiled nation corrupting our innocent children.

Under the black shadow of married homosexuals violating the laws of Leviticus, the sanctity of marriage is whithering away, before we know it, our streets will be overrun with pedophiles, people practicing beastality, and other unspeakable horrors.

Children will soon be born bearing the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, raised in sin and go on to become axe murders and other similiar cancers of society, because two men or two women cannot be an wholesome and morally upstanding family. [bold emphasis mine]

On the nicely-named blog, Coffeehouse at End-of-Days,  Russ Lipton writes:

This [Federal Marriage] Amendment is nothing more than a preliminary stake in the ground at the moment but that is something different than a mere response by Bush to his conservative base. The proposed Amendment, as Bush himself has hinted, is a warning to activist judges to walk carefully. That alone makes the initiative timely - not premature.

RobocopMr. Lipton was writing in response to Pejman Yousefzadeh's article  on Tech Central Station. 

Judging from the commentary, I would have to say that there is a problem with activist judges.  Perhaps an epidemic.  Perhaps Bush should appoint a Council at the Center for Disease Control to investigate this issue. 

The problem, it seems, is that some judges want to exercise something called "judgment."  We all know that judges must not do that.  They must interpret the law strictly.  Here at The Corpus Callosum, it is traditional to try to take two tangentially related concepts and link them is a creative way.  It turns out that this approach can be used to solve, once and for all, the problem of activist judges. 

Concept #1: Robocop.  Acting according to a pre-set program of Prime Directives, Robocop runs all over creation, enforcing the rule of law.  Even if it is his own creator who is violating The Law, Robocop has no mercy.

Concept #2:  Valerie the Roboreceptionist.  (thanks to Invisible Adjunct  and quantumBlog  for links) Valerie is practically human.  She has social awareness, her own personality, and even her own blog!  But despite her charm, she still follows all of the rules, all of the time. 

Solution:  Since independent judgment is not necessary for a judge to function, and may even result in human children being born with the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, why not simply replace all the judges with robots?  Sure, the unemployment stats would take a blip upward, but the size of government would be reduced.  And we would not have to worry about judges acting like little tin gods.  We would have little tin robots acting like little tin gods.