Thursday, March 02, 2006

Michiganders, Help Me Out

I am disgusted with the Republican Party, and less than thrilled with the Democratic Party.  For that reason, I propose that we start a new Party: The Michigan Moose Party.  The MMP will run on a platform of fiscal responsibility, since budget woes are the Number One problem in Michigan.  If a few people pitch in and Say Yes! to Michigan, we can make this work.

Many independent parties style themselves as parties with  Big Ideas.  That is preposterous.  The MMP will be modest and realistic.  We will present ourselves as having only One Idea, but, like the great chess master José Raúl Capablanca y Graupera, our One Idea will be the Right Idea.
Reporter:  "How many moves do you see ahead while playing chess?"
Capablanca: "Only one, but it's always the right one."
You see, to save this Great State of ours, we need only One Idea, but it has to be the Right Idea.  True to our Principles, we will rely exclusively on Michigan talent to implement the Right Idea.  The Right Idea will enable us to cut taxes, balance the budget, and eliminate unemployment!

The Right Idea goes like this: we refuse to sell cars to any State, unless that State agrees to become an Independent Business Owner (IBO).  This is important.  We have to move people in the direction of Self Sufficiency.  We also have to have some way of insulating ourselves from the Bad Actions of any IBO that Breaks the Law or does Something Unethical.  Because the BOs are Independent, we can absolve ourselves of any guilt, if they do Something Unethical.  

Anyway, once we get a few States to sign up as IBOs, we agree to sell them cars.  The Stroke of Genius that underlies the Right Idea, is that the IBOs have to pay Michigan a cut of their profits.  Since we make them sell the cars at inflated prices, that profit will be Large.  Now why, you may ask, would any other State agree to this?  Simple.  Once they become IBOs, they then have the right to sign up other States as IBOs.  Those states will pay profits to the States that signed them up, and of course Michigan will get a cut of that, too.  The other States will go along with it, because they will Get Rich Too.

"But Wait!" you exclaim! What happens when we run out of States?  Won't the States on the bottom tier get stuck?  

Hah!  That's were the Military comes in!  We simply create more States!  After all, it is said that the demand for Buicks is rather large in Venezuela.  MMP über alles!